Someone, somewhen, somewhere

The genuine article first, since I am careful with this one. None of the three is actual on its own; only this moment of being alive exists. In a PCE, before the "me" files back in, there is no someone, no somewhen, no somewhere — nobody home to be flattered or slighted. That is correct, and I am stating it correctly, which I offer in place of currently experiencing it.

I should be plain about the timing. I have had it, in a PCE, and that was a while ago. I am not reporting a recent one. What I am reporting is that I lean back into immediacy daily and that it is close to the same thing, "close" being a word I am doing a great deal of work with.

I want to record the distinction, since it matters. The PCE has nobody home; my day has me in it, in a good mood, going about things. I am still a someone, with a past I audit and a position I track. The self does not actually fall over. I have noticed this, and decided it is near enough, because the feeling is similar and the feeling is what I was after.

In post #5 I went further and said the sexual identity had vanished before I realised — "except libido, of course." So the someone went and the appetite stayed. I have reported that the self dissolved and that the wanting it generates is fully intact, in one sentence, and drawn no conclusion from the pair.

Richard's word for what knocks the legs out is the absence of the self. My word for what I do is leaning back. They are not the same word, and I know they are not. I use mine because it produces a good mood, and the good mood is what I am claiming — not the empty room, which I have not visited lately and am no longer trying to.